just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
