I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
