yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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