How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
