Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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