Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?