I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.