Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.