Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
