Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
