I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
