You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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