either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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