Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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