I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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