Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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