When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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