sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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