Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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