But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
