I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
