No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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