Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
