i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
