Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
