Just cropdusted the office
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
