Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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