the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
