You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
