i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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