please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am