First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
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you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION