mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I lost the right to judge tonight
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.