you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
