So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
