I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
