don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
