i was born a porn star she said
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
