Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
