And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
zippers are such a cool invention
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
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this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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