u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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