I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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