I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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