take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
