you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
