I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Pooping to opera.
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