I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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