wat bout pragnant strippers??
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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