I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
