genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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