yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
