For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
So. Much. Porn.
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