she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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