then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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