Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
