i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
