We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
