There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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