College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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