I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
