Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
