i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
