My liver just broke up with me...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
