can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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