yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
where are my eyebrows?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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