so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
