those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
