I am puke
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
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nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!