That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
