R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
After last night, I could never be a politician.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
