There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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