Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
