Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
